Doesn’t Blow.

by Pablo Escobar.

Friends.  As I toil away the days, providing for my people, tending to my factories, and conducting business as an honest man, I take in life’s pleasures.  There are those pleasures I enjoy on my island, while my #@%$ing pinche errand boys and even trusted tenientes put strain on my finances—because, well, inevitability—like pedicures by the pool.  That’s relaxation.  Then unwinding must come, specifically when production is halted or insufferable gringos get involved.  So I see my torturer and he amuses me. Like the best torturers, he pretends to be an interrogator.  But amigos, of course there’s no information!  I basically watch him work until I have a pile of dead bodies I have to deal with.  Did I mention inevitability?  And strain on my finances?  So my unwinding becomes my winding!  Being a God is exhausting.

Then I must wet my most fine, artisan tastes with something potent.  Here’s some fresh product: 

The Jeff Rubin Jeff Rubin Show — Pablo’s favorite podcast.  Yes, as I’m sending a message to my adversaries by cutting cryptic threats into the bodies of their drug-runners, The Indoor Kids and How Does This Get Made? are premiere podcast selections.  But Jeff Rubin’s obsessive focus on games of all kinds—games of the board, games of the screen, games of the Throne—keeps me a loyal listener.  Rubin actually plays the unusual and titillating debate-based Metagame on his show.  This week’s episode features NYU GameCenter’s Jesse Fuchs explaining divination throughout the different iterations of Monopoly.  In my own Monopoly iteration, landing on Free Parking divinates 500 kilos of cocaine to the lucky player. 

@

http://splitsider.com/2013/07/the-jeff-rubin-jeff-rubin-show-jesse-fuchs-and-monopoly/

Dogfish Head Sixty-One — My current cerveza of choice.  An IPA brewed with Syrah grape must, Sixty-One is the perfect not-quite-beer to swirl in a glass as you watch your top concubine’s bloody nose redden your pool.  C’est la vie.  Pablo knows French!  Furthermore, Dogfish Head’s combative bottle design comes in handy when rival cartels send estúpido spies to kill you. 

@

http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/10099/91677

Sherlock Series Three — I became so excited upon seeing this trailer that I shot five of my best tenientes in the face.  I can shoot, I swear, but my targets are always so close by it won’t show!  I killed a barber by accident once.  I sent his sons 200,000 kilos of product in apology.  The Sherlock trailer has silhouettes of gringo heartthrob Benedict Cumberbatch.  I also push kilos of those, chicas.    

@

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llGXWICGsD4

New School by Dash Shaw — When a decapitated whore’s head rolls into the day supply and you need to escape into a book, Shaw’s comic is a bingo candidate.  Saying ‘graphic novel’ is pretentious now right?  Like sending a scientist with the shipment for good measure.  The old days are dead, amigos.  Back to Shaw, well, I’m his biggest fan.  This hombre plows through art styles at the rate I dispose my most loyal tenientes.  While Shaw’s other works, BodyWorld and Bottomless Belly Button (dude likes b-words) were propelled by dialogue and character; New School is a manifesto of tone.  Shaw employs Sharpie on white paper to act as transparencies, an armature of chiaroscuro for splashes of color to align with.  The whole ordeal is reminiscent of the contrast in price between cocaine and black market O negative blood.  Basically in order to engage with anything Pablo needs to draw a connection with black market O negative blood.  Don’t even get me started on The Odyssey. 

@

http://www.fantagraphics.com/browse-shop/dash-shaw-3.html?vmcchk=1

  

Habenero Escobar Twitter — I know, I know, a shameless plug for my twin brother Habs.  The poor guy is in the %$^#ing jerky biz.  He’s a goddamn family man and already getting his hands filthy.  

@

righteousfelon.com
https://twitter.com/HabaneroEscobar

Courtesies,

The Brothers Rebel