You Weird, Nature

Hello all. Recently I've been thinking about a lot of things. I've always fantasized about being a zoologist when I was a kid. Hanging out with the gorillas as they smoke cigarettes and use sign language to make curse words.  Sounds like the life, really. Now I'm an adult and realize that these same gorillas would probably rip my face off and have sex with it for a few days until it falls apart from wear and tear . This face is too pretty to turn into some simian's sex toy. I've dealt with this crippling realization and resulting depression years ago, and with little to no therapy I've found a way to cope........

Welcome To REBELBROS Natural Oddities!!!!!

LET'S GET IT ON!!!!

Argentine Lake Duck

I bet you're looking at this picture and probably asking yourself  "why does that duck have it's small intestine for display"? What you are looking at is the twisting, 17-inch penis of a bird.  It's the longest penis in relation to size of any vertebrates. That's right, this duck is the envy of........well, no one probably. I mean seriously dude has like no girth going on, and apparently it's got a bristled tip.  I guess some chicks are into that sort of thing.

Scottish Red Deer

Now I'd like to introduce you to the psychopaths of the deer family.  This interesting species lives on the Isle of Rum, which is off the west coast of Scotland?  Man, never would have guessed Scotland!!! Anyways, these freaks live off a diet of the heads and limbs of baby seabirds, which I guess has got to taste better than grass or sticks or whatever the hell they usually eat. I bet these guys are into Burzum and burning upside down crosses into the lawn of churches. I would still ride one if given the chance; like if it beckoned me with it's horns to get on.

Squat Lobster

I just.........uggggghghgh. When something lives beneath 500 feet of water it's guaranteed to be more fucking horrifying than anything your imagination could conjure up in a lifetime. Of course no one knows jack shit about them since they live 5,000 meters deep (thank you lord), though I bet that monster tastes delicious with a cup of melted butter. You could serve me a shoe with a side of melted butter and you better believe I'd finish everything except the soles. It's a texture thing.

Axolotl

The axolotl is a salamander that is native to a specific lake in Mexico. Axolotl translates to "water monster" in Aztec, and is on the endangered species list as of 2010. Honestly I think this thing looks like some sort of alien that would burrow into your eyeballs and take over your brain if you got within five feet of it. I prefer to stay away from a reptile that looks cute like this, those eyes harbor a dead hatred for humankind that we could never understand.

Robot Camel Jockey

Come on  Come. On. If you want to argue and say this doesn't involve nature then I'd have to call you a commie bastard hellbent on destroying justice and freedom. Robots will either save us or destroy us one day, and I just want our mechanical overlords of the year 2032 to know that I'VE BEEN WITH YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME.  PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!! LOOK GUYS, I CAN PLAY THE ENTIRE SOLO FROM FREEBIRD BY LYNYRD SKYNYRD!!!! HOW ABOUT A LITTLE DANCE CALLED THE MACARENA???? OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!